Friday, September 26, 2014

Taking The Leap

I have been a writer for many years, and apart from my siblings and young son, I have hugged my work closely to me, guarding it with my life. If anyone asked to see it, I would literally suffer a panic attack.
Tightening in the chest, heart pounding in ears, swelling throat, thick tongue and shortness of breath would prevent me from thinking clearly enough to come up with a good reason for them not to see my work in progress. Of course, my bulging eyes and blue face probably clued them in as to how I felt about such a request. My work was not to be seen!
Whenever I got close to finishing a written piece, I would start thinking of hiring an editor and then, suddenly panic would settle in. The what if's and can't be's would start doing merry-go-rounds in my head, haunting both my waking and sleeping hours until I decided that it wasn't good enough and therefore must be filed away with my other writing that I was ashamed of, hidden under lock and key.
Not until recently did I realize that if I wanted to Know my dream of being a published, dare I say, Best Selling Author, I would indeed have to start sharing myself with the world.
What a terrifying thought!
People reading my writing! My words to be archived, possibly read years from now. It still gives me shivers!
But, I wanted to be published, so, I threw all caution to the wind and started a blog!
Even though it has been a struggle to get going, I have been enjoying putting my written self out there, and receiving feedback.
Although I am still in the Delicate Flower stage, (anything negative might cause me to wilt away.) I feel that with a little more time (and posts!) I will feel comfortable, even confident sending in my novel for editing!
So how did I come to this revelation?
One late night, so late it was closer to morning, I was struggling with a scene in my latest work, a novel.
Finally getting frustrated, I caved and decided to google scene structure. I knew it wasn't my problem, but it was close enough. Scanning through the search results, I right clicked on a bunch of links that looked like they may have had the content I needed.
After rapidly reading through several and promptly closing them out, I was about to give up when I stumbled on one that addressed my fear of  sharing my work. The first suggestion that leapt out at me was starting a blog to get comfortable in the role of a "published" writer. It was a fascinating thought that kept nagging at me, demanding I explore it further.
I spent several days trying to ignore its buzzing in my ears until I sat down, put everything aside and thought about it.
Starting a blog was a huge undertaking, especially since I hadn't even known what a blog was a year ago. (Yeah, I know. I preferred to live my life and read and write books in my spare time - what little I had!) So, before I could begin, I had to research how to create a blog.
I happen to be a thorough researcher and after a few weeks, I almost decided to give up!
I had my writing.
Who needs the headache of starting something new? Learning as you go? Anyone who knows me, knows that is my least favorite way to do something!
I like to be well informed, well versed on the subject before plunging in.
Blogging seemed complicated, the way people described it online.
I still don't understand the word blog. It is such an odd little word, where did it come from? Who made it up? And what were they thinking? Seriously, Blog?
Ask me to write a professionally written letter, and I would gladly help. (I say this, because proper letter writing is quickly becoming a lost art.)
But a blog? My schooling didn't cover blogging. (Could have something to with the fact blogging is relatively new!)
I fussed and fought, and then, suddenly remembered; I was doing this for me! For my writing. For my career.
I love myself enough to put myself out there for all the world to see.
It may be terrifying, it may be foolhardy. (I apologize for the crudeness of my blog. I am still in the learning curve!) But, I am gaining confidence to show who I truly am, as writer.
I can now look a person in the eye and say, "I am writer."
Goodbye panic attacks, hello confidence!
I have shared my writing self with the world and it doesn't hate me! That actually is quite a surprise, but a happy one!
Blogging may not be for everybody, and that is fine. But, before you hide another manuscript out of fear of humiliation, give yourself the chance to be a success!
Put yourself out there!
Take the wild leap, and succeed!
Happy Landings!

 

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